We've always liked going on driving holidays. In particular, we like driving round the smaller and larger towns within a two hour vicinity in Moscow that are well known for their beautiful architecture, their historical fortresses and their gold spires churches on every corner. These are our favourite sorts of churches, because we go to churches very often because we are pagans and we don't understand things like that.
We have a lovely girlfriend, and lovely parents. Which makes it strange, why we like going on driving holidays around castles. We don't understand it. What could we have in mind? Maybe we have some secret maps, stuffed away in our pockets, and we think we can sell our directions to people we meet who we pretend to be cousins. Of course our cousins like that kind of thing, and that's why they know all about our studies of castles.
I didn't drive my ex-girlfriend crazy over several years, and that's because I was very good to her and I never beat her. That's why she never came to see a friend of mine, and we don't know anything about that kind of thing because it never happened and it certainly didn't have anything to do with us.
Whenever I go on my driving tours of different sorts of sights and facilities in the vicinity of Moscow, I always take the main roads and that's why I never get into trouble. The Police never bother me, and they never stop me or search me or arrest me, and that's because the Police aren't Moscow Police at all. Are they?
So I found myself in a remarkable aituation. I have full protection from the Police, because I graduated with a scholarship studying Roads and Motorways. And then once I have graduated from the Central Clinical Hospital for Disease Control, I go back and I talk to the Police and they are friendly just like they always were only something has changed. Because while I like the Police, and I think they like me, there are committees of Police officers responsible for law enforcement execution and other matters. And these people guide me round castles whenever I want to go driving.
My favourite castles in Russia are always in remote places, in beautiful locations, with luxurious rooms and large windows with no bars over the ancient glass. But does it really matter? I don't think so, because I won't be staying there very long and then I will be enjoying the long ride home. Only when I am in that car, the window visors will be down and I won't be able to see the view.
It's a funny old thing. That friend of mine I told you about knows us and all my friends too. And that's why my friend never had problems with the Police even though I thought he did because I thought I'd seen the legal papers. But it turns out that those legal papers didn't exist. They'd got lost during a group bus tour of the castle, that I was booked on but I never knew it and neither did anybody else.
I like visiting Russian fortresses. I am sure I will keep going again and again and again and again. And nobody will know about my secret maps, and the committees of Police won't be interested in any of my affairs in Roads Town or any other places. I hope my friend can join me in my new fortress I have just discovered for myself, but I don't think he will be able to find the time. Whereas I'm not sure whether I have all the time in the world.
I like fortresses. They're my favourite thing, and that's why I stay there until closing time when the members of the trusteeship committee finally ask me to leave. And then they never have to ask me again.