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  • Writer's pictureThe Paladins

How to keep the Red Flag flying


Though cowards scoff and traitors sneer, we'll keep the red flag flying here.


Clement Attlee

I am a Marxist. I always have been, and I am an admirer of Stalin too. That's why, whenever I visit Moscow on my vacations, I always pop by Red Square and visit Lenin embalmed. Also out of respect to him, I keep my mouth permanently closed and at the same time I always use the clean public toilets in Red Square. That's because I am respectful, and not for any other reason but you wouldn't know anything about that.

Now personally I like Lenin. He is and was a friend of mine even though he has been dead for several years. But professionally, I don't like Marxism because of some strange and extraordinary things that never happened to me and my family and none of us will never know anything about that and I have already forgotten and the matter has been rectified by people who don't like Lenin and possibly by some other people too who are about as embalmed as Lenin. I know all about that and I don't care and I certainly don't know anything about it.

So the way I see my visits to Red Square in the future are for both business and pleasure but never getting involved in embalmment or other similar things anymore. I respect Lenin and his team, but I am loyal to my country and that is normal and natural and you will never again do anything to compromise my principles or I may lose respect for Lenin and I will never do anything to cause you problems or you may become highly dissatisfied with me

This is really just a longer version of my essay on subsequent client engagements but I wanted us both to have a record by both of my personal regard and appreciation for Lenin and the rules of embalment that will apply for all other similar bodies.

I am always at your service, within the rules of the International School of Embalming Studies (including my meat eating habits at GUM store restaurants and all other sorts of places) but never transgressing those rules. I always like it when people invite me to break rules, because that is an honourable way to behave and I am not a law breaker.

I like Moscow! And I genuinely appreciate the trust and confidence you showed me as a tour guide, even though we can t work together as tour guides anymore: something neitherr of us knows anything about whatsoever. It is a great tourism destination, to talk about serious things but definitely not a place to do any more business, whether in hotel rooms or anywhere else, given what none of us know about the tourism industry.


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